


Chase Down All My Demons

by TragicLove



Series: And Learn to Fly [4]
Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Accidental Sex, Alternate Universe, Cheating, Drunk Sex, F/M, Loss of Virginity, Mistakes, Secrets, This Time Around Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 13:18:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16041251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TragicLove/pseuds/TragicLove
Summary: Maybe that was the problem, she wasn’t pretty enough, thin enough...maybe she just wasn’tenough.





	Chase Down All My Demons

**Author's Note:**

> This is a companion piece to xhorizen's [Always Second Guessing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15982637), you'll definitely have to read that, and the rest of the series, first. 
> 
> HanFic Bingo prompt - Accidental Sex.

Natalie had gotten dressed and laid in bed for twenty minutes, every word Zac had said to her spinning around and around in her head. She was sure that the amount of liquor she had drank that night wasn’t helping, but she was going absolutely insane in that bed. 

She didn’t understand how it was possible that he didn’t want her as badly as she wanted him. Didn’t he find her desirable? Maybe not. Maybe that was the problem, she wasn’t pretty enough, thin enough...maybe she just wasn’t _enough_. 

He’d always been enough for her, even through having to hide their relationship because the record label didn’t think it was attractive to their fanbase to have one of their heartthrobs be in love, through the snide comments her friends or family had made about her robbing the cradle, through fights with Kate for the first couple of months...through everything, he had been enough. 

She didn’t know how to deal with the thought that she just wasn’t.

She crawled out of the bed, cursing herself when she was unsteady on her feet. She’d never been drunk before, so she wasn’t really ready for the way her legs were unsteady underneath her or the way her eyes took an extra second to focus in on something. When she got up, she was sure it was with the intention of finding Zac, wherever he was in the house, and apologizing to him. She’d explain that she was just a hotblooded teenager and she’d tell him how his touch affected her. She’d explain to him that she loved him so much, that even if it was going to be really difficult, she’d wait. 

_Leave it to you,_ she thought to herself. _To find the one guy in the world who doesn’t want to have sex until he’s married._

She grabbed her purse off of the dresser and slung it over her shoulder, sliding her feet into her flip flops. She decided that talking to Zac right now probably wouldn’t get them anywhere, but she couldn’t sleep, so she quietly walked across the house, slipping out the door and shutting it quietly behind her.

She didn’t realize she was walking back to the party down the beach until she was practically there. She could smell the bonfire before she could see it and she could hear the upbeat music floating through the air. As she got closer she could see that Taylor was still there, standing by the fire talking to a pretty dark haired girl who, as far as Natalie was concerned, was not wearing enough clothes. 

Natalie walked over to the giant trash bin filled with ice and beer and pulled a too-cold bottle out of it, twisting the cap off and tossing it back into the bin. She knew she probably didn’t need anymore alcohol, but she figured, when in Rome. She took a long swig, turning her head to where Taylor was still standing, expecting to see him talking to the same girl, but she had apparently wandered off. Natalie walked over him, stumbling a bit in the sand, and put a hand on his elbow.

“Nat!” He turned, surprised to see her. “What are you doing here? Where’s Zac?”

“He’s back at the house,” Natalie took another sip of her beer, scrunching her nose up. She really wasn’t a fan. “We kind of got in a fight.”

“A fight? You two?” Taylor took her by the arm and lead her over to a picnic table, helping her to sit down. “How much have you had to drink?”

He was slurring his words and his cheeks were a few shades pinker than usual.

“Probably as much as you,” she giggled, shrugging. 

“A lot, then,” he chuckled in return, sitting back and leaning against the table, his long legs stretched out in front of him. “So, what did you fight about? I’ve never seen Zac look at you with anything less than total adoration and obsession.”

“It’s stupid,” Natalie shrugged, taking another sip of her beer before holding it out to Taylor, who took it and took his own sip.

“You can tell me,” Taylor placed the beer on the table, putting his hand to his mouth when he let out a small hiccup. “I know him better than most people, you know.”

“I know, but,” Natalie leaned in, lowering her voice. “It’s kind of about sex.”

“Sex?” Taylor shrugged. “So what?”

“You’ll think I’m a slut.”

“I’d never think anything bad about you,” Taylor made a face, picking the beer back up and taking another sip. “I should stop drinking.”

“Me too,” Natalie giggled, leaning into Taylor and putting her head on his shoulder. “I don’t even know how I made it back here.”

“Just don’t throw up on me,” Taylor laughed, wrapping an arm easily around Natalie’s shoulders. 

“No promises?” Her giggle turned into a full laugh, her body leaning on him with all of its weight. 

“So tell me,” Taylor slurred, taking his other hand and brushing her hair out of her face. “What happened? Should I go back to the house and kick his ass?”

“No,” Natalie sighed. “It’s me. I knew...I mean, we’ve talked about sex before and I’ve known that he wants to wait...you know, until he’s...we’re married,” she hiccuped loudly then, causing Taylor to chuckle. “But, we’re young, you know? That could be forever, it could be years. I just don’t understand why he doesn’t want me.”

“He wants you,” Taylor shrugged, causing Natalie’s head to bounce lightly on his shoulder. “I can tell that just by the way he looks at you.”

“Then why doesn’t he _want_ me, Tay?”

Her voice came out in a bit of a whine and Taylor tightened his hold around her shoulder. 

“I don’t know where he got this idea about waiting for marriage from,” Taylor yawned. “It’s not like it’s something we’ve all been beaten over the head with growing up or something.”

“Have you,” Natalie moved her head so she could look up at Taylor. “You know...done it?”

“Me?” Taylor shrugged again. “I mean, sure.”

“You have? How many times?”

“Just a...just a few,” as Taylor reached out to brush Natalie’s hair out of her face again, a guy who looked about their age stumbled over, placed his hands on the end of the picnic table and vomited all over the sand underneath it. “I uh- we should go somewhere else,” Taylor wrinkled up his nose, standing from the bench and pulling Natalie up with him. “Gross.”

Natalie giggled as Taylor wrapped his arm around her waist, leading her through the sand. They stumbled here and there, leaning into each other and laughing at their inability to be steady on their feet. 

“Sand is hard,” Natalie laughed, kicking up a bit of it as she walked. “I can’t walk anymore.”

She dropped into the sand, laying on her back her arms and legs splayed out to the sides. Taylor laughed, shaking his head and dropping down next to her, mimicking her position.

“Do you think I’m...I don’t know...desirable?” Natalie turned her head to look at Taylor.

“Desirable?” She didn’t miss the faint blush that grew on his cheeks, even in the dark. “Um, well...yeah,” Taylor nodded once. “Yeah, you are.”

“Then why doesn’t he?” Her voice dropped to just above a whisper, a frown forming on her lips. 

“I bet he does,” Taylor spoke back softly. “It’s just, once Zac gets an idea in his mind...he, you know, really sticks to it.”

“I didn’t realize you brought that,” Natalie sat up, reaching over Taylor for the beer that he’d placed down in the sand beside him. She picked it up and drained almost all of what was left in it before passing it back over to Taylor, who tipped it to his lips, emptying it.

“You, uh-” Taylor laughed, reaching out and running his hand through Natalie’s hair. “You have sticks and sand all in your hair.”

Natalie’s face fell, her eyes dropping to the sand in between them.

“I probably look horrible,” she whispered. “I look horrible, right? It’s why he doesn’t want me.”

“No, no!” Taylor removed his hand from Natalie’s hair. “You look great, you’re-”

“You can just tell me the truth,” she slurred, moving to get up. “It’s okay. I know it, I’m just not good enough.”

“No, Natalie,” Taylor reached for her and grabbed her wrist, pulling her gently back down to the sand. She landed next to him, her side pressed to his. “You’re good enough...you’re better than that. I swear, you’re beautiful Natalie.”

She looked at him, his ruddy cheeks and sandy hair, pink lips that she’d really never noticed before. She could feel the alcohol swimming around inside of her, making her brain fuzzy. Taylor telling her that she was beautiful releasing a flock of butterflies inside of her stomach. 

“You think I’m beautiful?” She whispered. His grip on her wrist loosened and he nodded, licking his lips. She knew it was the wrong thing to do, but the alcohol in her system pushed her forward, spurned her on, joined by the knowledge that someone found her attractive, even if it wasn’t the right someone.

When her lips pressed against his he froze for a second, and she was about to pull away, apologize, get up and run back to the beach house. But, then his hand slid around her waist, landing on her back and his lips moved over hers, slowly but with a force that told her he wanted her.

They kissed, his arms wrapped around her, her hands bunched up in the front of his shirt, their mouths battling with each others, for what, she wasn’t sure. Soundlessly they moved together, Taylor lowering her onto her back, nudging her legs open with his knee and climbing in between them. 

Simultaneously his mouth moved to her neck, his hand sliding up her bare thigh, vanishing underneath her skirt. She felt her back arch all on its own as his fingers brushed over the fabric of her panties. She closed her eyes as the feelings of lust and desperation to be loved from earlier washed back over her. Within seconds Taylor’s face was replaced by another, the lips were smoother, the hands a little smaller, but she was sure then that it was Zac hovering over her, Zac’s fingers moving her panties to the side, finding her clit and drawing a long moan from her lips when his fingers found what they were looking for. 

The haze in her head only grew thicker as her hands slid over his body, finding the waist of his pants, fiddling with the button and the zipper. It took her longer than it should have to get them unhooked, but once she did she slid them down, her hand finding his cock, wrapping around it and pulling gently.

“Oh God,” the voice was all wrong, but she was sure it was just the booze. 

“Make love to me,” she whispered, her hand leaving him, trailing up his arm and then getting lost in his hair. “Make me feel beautiful.”

His fingers dipped into her gently, working her until she was writhing underneath him. 

“Please,” she whispered. “Please.”

He pulled his hand away and she felt him shifting over her, but she kept her eyes closed, turning her head to the side. The world was spinning behind her eyelids, she felt like she could drift off at any moment, sleep pushing into her brain, and then he slid inside of her, slowly until he was filling her all the way up. He stayed that way for what felt like hours, his breath rolling over her face, and then his mouth landed on her neck again and he pulled almost all the way out of her before pushing slowly back in. He groaned into her neck, causing the little hairs on her body to stand on end, warmth seeping throughout her body as he found a steady pace.

Her legs wrapped around him, pulling him closer to her and she bit her lip to keep the wrong name from leaving her lips as he thrust into her a little bit faster, one of his hands snaking between them, his fingers finding her clit and rubbing it lightly as he held himself up with his other hand.

“I’m not gonna-” he whispered, rubbing her a little faster when she finally let out a soft moan. “Not gonna last long.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered back, her hips rising to meet his.

“Come here,” he slid out of her, putting his hands on her hips and rolling onto his back so that she was above him. “There we go.”

She sank down onto him, throwing her head back as his hand splayed out over her, his thumb working her clit while his other hand clutched her hip, helping her move up and down over him. 

“Fucking beautiful,” he slurred. “So fucking beautiful.”

That was all it took for her to come undone, she panted as she moved over him slowly, her orgasm rolling through her, making her legs shake. 

“Fuck,” he groaned, both hands gripping her hips now, squeezing as he moved her. She could feel him filling her up as she collapsed on top of him, working to even out her breathing. She rolled off of him, turning her head to the side, looking away from him. 

It was almost as if her orgasm had rid her body of all of the alcohol, her head suddenly clear, the reality of what she’d just done settling down on her. She sat up slowly and then pushed herself to her feet, fixing her clothes. She looked down at Taylor for a second before she could feel her eyes stinging, tears threatening to break free. 

“We…” she shook her head, not sure what to say or what to do. Instead of saying anything she just shrugged, turning and walking back in the direction of the beach house. 

She could hear him rustling and she was sure he was fixing his clothes, getting up out of the sand. 

“Natalie!” she heard him calling for her, but she didn’t slow down, she didn’t look back. She had to get away from there, get away from what they’d just done. She wasn’t this kind of girl, she knew she wasn’t. She _loved_ Zac. She didn’t know how she had let something like this happen to her.

“Natalie, wait,” she felt his fingers close around her wrist. She tried to shrug him off, but he just pulled harder, forcing her to stop and look at him. 

“We shouldn’t have done this,” she whispered. “What were we thinking?”

“We weren’t...thinking. We weren’t.”

“I love him,” the tears finally broke through and she covered her face with both hands. She could feel her shoulders shaking as he laid his hands on them.

“I know, I know you do.”

“He’ll hate me, he’ll never speak to me again.”

“Look,” he put his hands on her wrists and pulled them from her face. “We fucked up, we made a drunken mistake.”

“This is more than a mistake, he’s going to hate us.”

“He won't,” he shook his head. “He won't, because we’re not going to tell him.”

“What?” She looked up at him, her eyes wide.

“Do you want to lose him? I know I don’t,” Taylor shook his head. “It was a stupid fuck up, Nat. We have to take this to our graves.”

She looked at him for a few seconds before letting out a breath and nodding. She knew he was right. The only way to keep Zac in her life was to pretend that this never happened.

“Come on, let’s go home,” he said, placing a hand on her lower back and leading her in the direction of the beach house.

 

Once she’d showered off the mess of the night she found Zac in the basement sound asleep on the futon. One look at him filled her with so much guilt she was sure she could burst from it. She had to keep thinking about what Taylor had said. She didn’t want to be a liar, she didn’t want to be the kind of girlfriend who betrayed her boyfriend and then kept it to herself, but it wasn’t just her and it wasn’t just Zac, there was Taylor too, and she couldn’t allow herself to be the cause of a breakdown in their relationship. Taylor was Zac’s bestfriend, she wouldn’t take that from him. Selfishly, she didn’t want to take Zac from herself, either. 

She climbed onto the futon and curled up next to him, her eyes scanning his whole face. He was so content, lost somewhere in dreamland. He looked happy...and she knew she’d do whatever she had to do to make sure he stayed that way.


End file.
